HOW TO ORGANISE THE PERFECT STAG PARTY
So the big day is nearly upon you, the bride DID manage to lose that weight and the cars and flowers have all been paid for. Now there is just one thing left to do.
Organise the Stag Do.
Now in most cases you are probably the Best Man which means one of things.
- You have been friends with the condemned man since school, seen his privates far too many times and have done all sort of mental things together. You are legends in the eyes of everyone that know you. Use this guide, its essential.
- You have been nominated by the groom because either he hasn’t many friends and you know him vaguely at work, or even worse his bride to be has asked him to ask the quite boring brother in law to be Best Man to keep her happy but him miserable. Yes your probably are that boring guy. If either of these are the case, fear not. This guide will help build that awkward relationship into a lifetime friendship.
RULES NUMBER 1 – INVITE PEOPLE
This will make or break the party.
Never invite the following people.
- Accounts or middle management types.
They will talk shop consistently and bore the rest of the party to death. Avoid
- New Dads.
They will be showing pictures of their new babies and talking about the “Personalities of a 2 month old” and feeding times and will be tearful about missing them and how selfish they are being out. Steer clear. They will also be shattered by 9pm and moan they cant afford to be there in the first place.
- People who work nights.
Again you think they will be able last all night. Dead wrong. They will either pace themselves with 2 pints until 6am and ask if anyone wants to have any tea??!!?!? Or fall asleep in a chair the moment they arrive.
- The father in law, and or her uncles etc etc.
They will judge every single action and moment of the night and regurgitate it back at you with exaggeration for the 20 years. If asked why no invite, just say you thought they wouldn’t enjoy it or it was a clangy german techno night. If they happen to be into clangy german techno, tell them it’s a traditional sea shanty folk night. Either way they will not be into both.
The right people to invite.
- People with no kids.
These people are great and they have no understanding of responsibility or even sometimes fear of dying.
- The “Group of Mates”.
This is your safety net. Job done. You may have to look at work mates, you may not know them but it could make the night know that these people get on.
- The funniest and most stupidest people they know/ work with/ live next too/ are related too.
This one person could BE the stag do. Unpredictability might land you a fine, a caution or even 2 month of porridge but no great stag story start with “I was sitting on my own on my stag do….”
- If the stag is unfortunate enough to have 1 or more brothers of drinking age then they MUST go to the stag do. They will more than likely instigate any pranks, remove trousers and set light to said trousers. They will also have the stag’s back if anything should go a wry anywhere.
RULE NUMBER 2 – LOCATION
Local, City Centre, Abroad. The choice is yours. There are many and varied places to go locally, in towns and cities and all over the world to make that Stag do extra special. It will also be dictated by cost.
If you can afford it and everyones got cracking jobs like dentists or website businesses then have a blow out. Stag parties in Benidorm for 5 nights will always out do 25 years of marriage, mortgage and declining health.
If you cant afford the abroad option then the nearest city centre will provide LOUD pubs turned micro night clubs with bored bouncers chatting up the female clientle, or trendy clubs with weird names like “SWERVE 86” that cater for young people with too much hair looking for a goodtime or a drug fuelled punch up. Many stay open til the wee hours which mean only one thing KEBABS!
***On a stag do leave room for a food. The greaser and messier the better. Kebabs are perfect, so are pizza’s, chine and Indians take aways and fried chicken. Avoid anything healthy. You will not feel the benefit of this at all. If in doubt, give a kebab a shout!***
If everyone has let you down and its just 3 people attending then the local inn’s will be your best chance of a good night. Find one with a pool table, a juke box and weather permitting a beer garden for essential social smoking. Avoid ones with local brewed bitters. More than likely the patrons will frown upon you not only for turning up but for also using you mobile phones.
RULE NUMBER 3 – DRESS CODE
The dress code for most places are dark jeans, cheap faux lather shoes/ trainers, again dark and a funny t shirt aimed to rip it out of the stag. All essential.
As it happens 😛 we are the best place for these stag t shirts and hen t shirts at BLACK COUNTRY T SHIRTS. We’ve got a wide range of funny t shirts in all sizes and colour that will ridicule and offend the stag. Nick names can be added to really spice things up, so if it’s the basic last name to the name of a recently disgraced celebrity paedophile, we do & have done it all.
Anyone found wearing Addidas striped jogging trousers or baseball caps must, and I have to emphasise this, MUST be ejected from the stag party to get changed or to stay home and have a good think at what they have done. Firing squad is just too good for them!
RULE NUMBER 4 – PRANKS
Pranks, japes, lewd behaviour, general arsing about and petty theft of road side construction work belongings will all occur, as they should. Its your job to assist and continue the night/s behaviour in this manner. Here are just a few example of what SHOULD be expected of you.
- Wrap the stag in cling film for the night. Try heavy duty sellotape to spice things up or branded double sided tape to really annoy him.
- Cable tie him to a lamppost at the end of the night. Always goes down well, and the police will smile to themselves at the sight of a semi naked unconscious man covered in someone elses vomit and kebabs (could be anybody’s)
- Shave of his eye brows. The bride will laugh her head off when she walks down the isle to wonky eye brows, I promise 😉
- Invite as many of his ex’s as you can for a laugh. The sight of these will bring fear or romantic feeling back. If there was one particular “bunny boiler” ex, you know that crazy one who didn’t want him to dump her, she must get an invite. That is a must!
- Film any of the stags naughty behaviour and send it directly to his new to be in laws. Just imagine the look on their faces.
See some more pranks on our stag party dares t shirt here
RULE NUMBER 5 – ACCESSORIES
Although not essential to have everything but here is a list of things that could help make the night great.
- Money, always essential.
- Secret taxi money home. Put it in your socks
- If you get lucky, but for a laugh to be put in the stag pockets for when he gets home
- This tells everyone your on a stag do and how hilarious you are.
- Fully charged mobile phones for videos, pictures and or getting peoples numbers
- A lighter. You may have to burn your way out of a cable tie, whoever is tied up.
- A pack of cigarettes. You may not smoke but if you want to be everyones friends then these will be your calling card.
- A smile. Its free. It will get you into to night clubs, the bouncers will leave you alone and you might even pull the bunny boiler!
RULE NUMBER 6 – AFTERMATH
The next day and the following few days will be a blur. Hopefully using this guide you will not remember most of it, which can only mean one thing A GREAT NIGHT. Check up on the stag, make sure your still invited to the wedding, find out if anyones in hospital and see if the father has taken his “darling daughter” away from the sex fiend. Check yourself for cuts and bruises.
Hopefully you all have had a brilliant time but there is just one more rule.
RULE NUMBER 7 – BRACE YOURSELF WHEN YOU CHECK YOUR BANK BALANCE!